Abortion and Almost Dead Bodies.
I’m back…Happy New Year and you didn’t think I was gonna abandoned you in your time of The-Game-Recap-Need did you?
See what had happened was…
The episode starts with a Boyz II Men-ish soundtrack revealing Mel claiming she had a abortion. There’s a dead model in Malik’s driveway. Jason is married.
Flashback
Melanie’s talking to herself and there is clearly someone pushing the “laugh now studio audience sound effect.” as she meets the doctor she had an affair with last season.
There is an awkward run in with Derwin and the doc.
The doctor is a jerk.
Jason has a random chick in his bed.
And they are having a conversation that I don’t particularly care about. All I hear is “press conference blah blah blah.” All I know if her outfit is terrible.
Great way to meet the parents. Remember Malik’s model chick that he fell in love with? Well she overdosed on something and Malik dramatically carries her into the house as Tasha meets them at the front door.
Commercial Break
Derwin brings up that he knows about the abortion Melanie had their freshmen year in college. He tells her he understands along with some more mushy stuff. Melanie looks fishy.
Malik is trying to nurse this gorgeous model back to health and Tasha witnesses him trying his best. His best includes ordering a four piece and a biscuit. Because models eat.
Tasha regrets dropping Derwin as a client and she pick back up Malik as a client.
Now enter Brandy. The singer/actress not the drink. What’s funnier and ironicier (because of those are both words) is that her character’s name is Chardonnay.
Jason comes into a bar where Chardonnay on the rocks is working behind the bar. He’s rude.
Derwin and Melanie run into another ex-lover. Trey Wiggs
Rick Ross looking dude is taking me out. I can’t.
The “pop and snap” lady from Legally Blonde has a cameo and she’s threatening to kill Model chick because she owes her a billion dollars.
Oh Brit Brat. Jason catches Brit Brat kissing some white dude outdoors. Get this, they don’t get into an argument about getting caught kissing, they argue about him being white.
Tasha tries to talk sense into Malik and uses a great egg/omelette analogy. She told him that she has all her eggs in one basket and he need to make some omelette. Is that or is that not Tasha-ish?
Enter the wise Tee-Tee who’s eye is looking less and less cock-eyed. He tells her that she needs to do what best for her instead of babying Malik.
By the way they have this convo in the backwoods of their house because model girl ran away
Derwin is taking a dump in the bathroom and him and Mel are having a convo.
BOOM
Melanie admits that the Abortion happened when she slept with Trey Wiggs
Melanie brings up Drew Sidora for the 1000th time.
Melanie is her typical crazy self and she expects Derwin to get over the fact that she had an abortion and after her tear-jerking monologue cue the auto tuned vocals and Derwin walks out.
Malik is trying to perform some type of CPR I’ve never seen before. Model chick wakes up and Malik carries her inside. She doesn’t have on any clothes by the way.
Brandy got fired for getting into an argument with Jason. He asks her out on a date and next thing we know he wakes up in Mexico hence holding beer bottles because he doesn’t know who is on the other side of the door. It’s Brandy with a ring on her finger.
Brandy explains how they traveled across the boarder for 69cent tacos. They got drunk and they got married.
Melanie wakes up alone.
Legally blonde lady stayed the night.
Tasha gives white lady the black card so she can leave.
Jason and Brandy get into the black issue about how he hates his own race. He reveals his deep dark secret about how a black girl from his childhood called him white and he was “traumatized”. Then once he got in the league the black girls came flocking. I think he likes her.
Mel is decorating for Derwin’s son bday. Where’s Janea?
Over icing cupcakes, the talk about the abortion. Trey doesn’t know about the unborn child.
Malik decides to take model chick back to rehab.
Cue melodramatic music.
It’s DJ’s bday party and Tasha didn’t come. Janae is there and Mel is feeling left out. Derwin forgives Mel for lying because he doesn’t think he could live with raising a baby that wasn’t his own.
Trey shows up to the party. And Derwin knocks him out in driveway.
That’s how it ends folks. See ya next week.
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