Oh wait…those lines are from where the real baby mama drama resides: Teen Mom 2
Actually, before I recap…I find your fb updates and tweets more entertaining than the episode itself. You know, the episode you just watched that featured the word “wall” 17 times and featured our beloved Tasha Mack only twice. Here’s what was in my newsfeed…
“Dear Lord, plz send me a husband like Derwin…”
“ARE U SERIOUS, ITS OVER ALREADY!?!? My husband and I started itching like a crack head when The Game went off”
“I need a Derwin in my life”
(My rebuttal: Really? You need a man with baby mama drama to force you to go to church)
Anywho, see what had happened was…
Tasha Mack gave the weakest and fakest apology in the history of weak and fake apologies and magically mended the two year fall out between her and weirdo Kelly Pitts.
Turns out that during the two year hiatus, while you were picketing for the show to return, Kelly was the one who convinced Messy Melanie, to quit her residency. Great move, Mel. Take advice on how to save your marriage from a divorced woman.
“Too soon homie, too soon.” Malik bluntly made fun of the fact that Ding Dong named a child that possibly isn’t his, Ding Dong, Jr.
Jason is officially no longer a Saber and is offically an anchor on Benched.
Melanie knows how to replaster walls. Not a bit of dry wall residue left on that pretty little outfit of hers. The walls are butterscotch cream and the hole she covered is now a blatant-punch-me-here-again-Derwin-bright-off-white.
Ding Dong (pun intended), Janae’s at the door. Melanie rushed and told Derwin that the lab made a mistake and that’s his son yadda yadda. Judging from the oversized Maury-like envelope in Janae’s hand, I’m sure we all saw the proof coming.
Derwin is as furious as Pooch Hall could pull off.
Baby Mama plans on taking Derwin’s money for…drum roll…good ole child support. BOOM (Tasha Smith style). I don’t blame her. She should get an extra check for putting up with Messy Melanie.
Um where is Tasha Mack?
Jason auto-tuned a version of Dipps and Pitts. It was horrible. In real life.
No Brit Brat.
Please don’t foreshadow the big A word.
In conclusion, Derwin prayed and demanded that Mel goes to church ” Every Sunday! I mean, when I’m not there, you are every Sunday. On the first row.”
And that’s when the “oh Derwin marry me” tweets started rollin’ in. Really ladies? All a brotha gotta do is mention Sweet Baby Jesus and is hubby material?? Lest we forget, this Holy Man cheated, had a baby outta wedlock, and let’s admit it, he needs to turn up the wattage on his bulb.
In short, some of you guys loved it, plenty hated it, and everyone is still gonna watch it next week.
You spoiled us with the hour long premiere. With commercials, that junt was ’bout 12 minutes.